Winter, the season of Love? (Ushiwaka x Reader)
by bananamilkk
Summary: Ushijima Wakatoshi, faced with emotions that felt like it was going to tear through his body and rip his insides out, he eyed (Y/N) as she walked down the hallway. He could not explain the unfathomable feelings he felt for that certain someone. Is it infatuation? Obsession? Or perhaps... Love? Read on to see how does Ushijima handles these complicated feelings for (Y/N)...


Ushijima Wakatoshi x Reader Fanfiction

Ushijima Wakatoshi, known as Ushiwaka to his opponents as he steps out onto the court. He shines like royalty, despite his dull green hair and strict stern face. He was slightly tanner and taller than others. His shoulders were broad and his muscles could be seen seen under the sports attire he wears. The way he carries himself is dignified, intelligent and proud. He wasn't egotistical, but he believes in his talent.

He who wears the crown, bears the crown's weight, as they say. He was one of the most well-known 'Kings' in the high school volleyball league, and he's Shiratorizawa, one of the most prestigious school's volleyball captain. Furthermore, being the only player selected from Tohoku to participate in the Youth World Championship as Japan's under 18 volleyball representative, he must always keep up with the image of being a leader who paths the way for his followers. He must always be the one that rides upfront during battle, high headed, confident and lead everyone to victory.

Despite everyone's perception of Ushijima, being the powerful captain and grim faced person he is, there's a side to him that not many knows. He is after all just an 18-year-old high school male. Everyone has a side to them that stays hidden from the public's view. Truth to be told… Ushijima is facing a dire situation.

Well, it might not be as dire as facing financial problems- like his family not being able to pay taxes, or not as dire as an injury- since injuries are a real problem when it comes to sportsmen. It is something much more simple than that. It was merely his fixation on a certain somebody.

Ushijima tends to dislike things that he doesn't understand, and thus, a frown would always form on his face when he chances upon a situation or a person that he doesn't understand. His insides would get all heated up and tangled into a mess, like a ball of yarn that is impossible to untangle. It would only fade away when he receives the knowledge or closure on that subject. A corner of his mind would always focus on that matter, hence, causing him to have a 'scary' look on his face.

Most of the girls in his high school find Ushijima charismatic, but menacing. Not many of them dare to near him due to his dark expression he carries whenever he walks down the hallways. He was more popular for doing well in his sport, but not because of his looks or attitude. In fact, he has only a normal amount of friends, most of them being his team mates, and the rest being his classmates.

During his free days, he would train relentlessly at school. Unlike any 18-year-old high schooler who focuses on finding a girlfriend, busy attending goukons. It was not like he wasn't sociable or what not, it was just that he focuses too much of what's in front of him. He was always like that, but that made him ace every aspect for his life… except one thing, which is the matter on hand.

The fixation he felt for a somebody couldn't just be satisfied with a stare or two. It was a weird attachment he felt for that girl. Whenever she walks past him in the hallway, his heart would always start thumping faster and faster. It was like he just did stamina training. Not only that, his palms would go sweaty and the tip of his ears would go red. His friends would always tease him for going red all of a sudden… little did they know of the tiny secret he's keeping.

She was the vice-president of Shiratorizawa's student council. Her name was (Y/N). She was known as the 'Goddess of Winter' for her skin was smooth and blemish free, her hair was silky and her looks exquisite. The certain characteristic that gave (Y/N) her nickname was her icy cold attitude towards male students. The nonchalant eyes she gives when even the most popular of males in the school confesses to her, gave her her notorious nickname.

(Y/N) carries herself with grace and elegance. Her grades were perfect and her record clean. She was well-liked by all her female counterparts and teachers. Well, (Y/N) was literally out of bounds for even Ushijima himself. There were rumors that she detests males, but there was no proof.

Ushijima was confused as to why his eyes follow her in the library and everywhere she is, till she makes a turn, her figure long gone, without sparing a glance at him. He had never fell in love with anyone before. Love was a foreign word. It was not in his vocabulary, so when he felt that emotion for (Y/N) it irritated him.

Everyone knows it's no good when Ushijima gets bothered. The angry furrows of his brows and the grunts that would come from the back of his throat as he squeezed his eyes shut to think about that certain matter. Ushijima would always take it out during practice. He'd not only drill himself harder, but the other volleyball members too, and at the end of the day, no one gains anything from it- perhaps just a one percent boost in their stamina.

As Ushijima walks down the pristine hallway on the way to the library for the self-study session, he passed (Y/N). She walked past him in a fast pace. Her (Y/HC) hair whips in the wind as she passed by, causing a blast of floral fragrance to fill up Ushijima's nose. The hairs on the back of his neck stood and goosebumps formed on his arms. He felt something stir up inside of him. His mouth opened to say something, but no words seem to be coming out.

(Y/N) looked back slightly at Ushijima, her face half hidden by her hair that acted like a dark cape. She eyed the figure that had stopped in his footsteps behind her. She recognized that male student. He was the captain of the volleyball team that managed to go to the nationals. She averted her eyes back to the front and continued making her way to the library. She recognizes potential in him. He was talented, both in his studies and his sport.

Ushijima shocked awake from his trance when he felt someone hit him on the shoulder from behind. It was like a cold bucket of water was splashed onto his face while he was in a deep dark world of his own. He turned around to see Tendou Satori. His cheeky smile plastered on his face as he stood beside Ushijima with his books in his arms. He asked if Ushijima was alright, which he replied with a grumpy yes.

What did he feel inside of him as (Y/N) walked past?

…

His eyes followed her and her group of furies followed behind her. In Greek and Roman mythology, furies were female spirits of justice and vengeance, also known as Erinyes, they live in the Underworld and torture the wrong-doers. The girls that followed her were just like furies. They had beautiful looks, although compared to (Y/N), they are nothing. They snare their fangs at anyone that dares to insult their goddess, (Y/N)- especially at boys.

It was rather irritating really. As they were like Cerberus, the guard dog of the Underworld. It makes approaching (Y/N) far more difficult for Ushijima. He continues eyeing the female guard dogs as they escort their 'Highness' to the lunch table. Each of them carrying a tray of dry low-carbohydrate foods. It looked miserable in Ushijima's opinion. Why eat something so disgusting just to look like a thin string of pasta?

(Y/N) however, ate a full meal unlike the rest of her furies. She ate like a 'Queen' compared to the other girls around her. Ushijima grunted and took a bite of his chicken from 'B' set lunch. Tsutomu looked at his captain who looked grumpy, hundred percent sure that his senior was troubled by something. Tendou was busily chatting up with a girl classmate of his to care about the unhappy captain, so, Tsutomu was the only one that was observant enough.

Tsutomu called out to his senior asking him what was wrong, only to receive a 'nothing' from the older male.

…

" _Where are you heading to in this snowy day?"_ Was what (Y/N)'s first words to Ushijima were. It was a snowy day, slightly too heavy for a run around the neighborhood, but Ushijima was still going to. Geared in his thick jersey and an extra layer of clothing inside, he was ready to step out of the school gates with his running sneakers, but only to be stopped by (Y/N).

He took in a sharp, inaudible intake of air. His head turned to look at the beautiful girl that stood at the sides of the gate under a black umbrella. Her eyes were bright and clear as they stared up at Ushijima. She had rather guarded eyes. Her expressions were hard to read. The tone of her words emotionless. The irritated feel rose up into his chest again.

It was never ending. The strand of yarn seemed to go on forever, wrapping around his head, his body and even robbing him of his will to speak. He could only stare at (Y/N) with similar eyes as hers. It could be said that both of them were rather similar to each other. The way they were perfect human beings and the way they carry themselves.

'She isn't followed by her furies today.' Ushijima thought in his mind. The bitter cold wind and snow freezing his lips and nose. However, his ears were still warm and tinged red.

" _W-what… about you? You are standing in the cold, wearing a short skirt, while waiting for someone?"_ He said to her. His words were clumsy on his lips and tongue due to the painful cold. He licked his lips and brought his warm palms to his face. The girl chuckled slightly, averting her eyes away. She laughed like a lady.

" _I'm waiting for my boyfriend."_ She said, her hair flapping in the wind. Despite being in the cold, her lips did not turn blue. It was still the same pretty shade of glossy pink. Her cheeks were still pale coral pink. Her makeup was still intact, none of it frozen or smudged. She was the perfect girl… Of course she'd have a boyfriend.

Those words somehow brought another strange feeling into Ushijima's heart. Instead of the frustrating tangle of yarn, it was a… dark emotion. The dark emotion seemed to have a mind of its own. It wanted to rip everything apart, inside out of Ushijima. It corrupted everything in its touch and turned everything black. Ushijima had to fight the deathly urge to punch something.

It was so… weird. Why does he feel this way? Towards a girl that he has never talked to up until now, only to learn that she has a boyfriend. It was like an atomic bomb was dropped onto him and blasted everything away. He felt like his heart was weeping… or maybe it was the cold, he assured himself, trying to think rationally. He forced his eyes to look at (Y/N).

" _I-I'll wait with you."_ He choked out. It was hard for him to say those words. The dark emotion was still in him, uncomfortably settling at the pits of his stomach like it was a demon ghoul eating him inside out. Ushijima swallowed a lump in his throat and unzipped his jersey, handing it to the girl who was wearing only her uniform and a blazer.

She looked somewhat shocked when Ushijima handed her the jersey. He stood there expressionless, except for the tip of his ears red. It looked far from what an 18-year-old boy would look like when he's in love, or infatuated, or fond of a girl. She happily accepts, slipping the jersey over her shoulders. Ushijima's body heat was still on the jersey, warming her insides. The distinct smell of Ushijima was on the piece of clothing too. It was a nice manly scent, mixed with a slight floral deodorant smell.

" _Thank you."_ Her words were soft, but with only the two of them in the late afternoon at the school gates, he caught it. Her voice angelic and music to his ears. He wanted her to speak to him more. He wanted to chat with her on the phone at night after a tiring day at school, he wanted her to eat lunch with him and he wanted her to comfort him when he's facing any trouble… just like a girlfriend would do.

Ushijima shut his eyes to recollect himself. 'This would not do.' He thought to himself. It was much more than an attachment to (Y/N). It was an abnormal amount of infatuation (?) to her. Furthermore, she was attached to someone else.

"Oh. My boyfriend is here. Here, Wakatoshi kun." Ushijima's eyes flashed open, to see the girl hand him his jersey with one hand. Her smile was different than the ones she gives at school to her friends and teachers. It wasn't the same icy smile that the 'Goddess of Winter' flashes during school hours. It was a smile that was so radiant it could melt the 'Goddess of Winter' into a puddle of warm water. He blinked at her, and slowly took the warm jersey out of her hands.

She made her way to a black sports car parked outside the school gates, just right in front of them. The windows were tinted black and the engine still running. A silhouette of a male at the drivers' seat. She nodded at Ushijima who could only give a stiff smile back at her, before entering the car. The black car zoomed away like a dark chariot of Hades away into the horizon.

The sunset no longer looks peaceful and beautiful to Ushijima. His lips pressed tightly together as he clutched his jersey in his hand. The dark emotion was ripping him apart. He could feel the sticky black treacle like emotion bubbling out of him, spilling out of his eyes, nose and mouth.

He took in a deep breath, calming himself down. He had to go for a run quick, before the scary feeling starts eating away his brain.

…

Ushijima Wakatoshi was still an 18-year-old teenager after all. His hormones were raging. Hormones are special chemical 'messengers' that are created in the endocrine glands in the body. They control most major bodily functions like reproduction, emotions and mood. When teenage boys start releasing hormones, they get… well, horny. If their aroused, their adrenal glands pump out epinephrine and norepinephrine raising their heart rate and moving blood into muscles, brain and their member. The hormone dopamine increases sexual appetite and communicates with the hypo-thalamus to orchestrate, what is called the glorious 'hard-on'.

At the dead of night, alone in his dorm room, where soundproof walls surrounded him, he sat on his bed, with his body leaned against the wall. His hands were tired and used tissues all over his lap and bed. He ejaculated at the thought of (Y/N). He could see the bright smile of hers when he closed his eyes, like it was branded to the back of his eyelids. It was troubling to feel this way. He even felt slightly guilty towards her. He felt like he ruined her innocence.

The dark emotion he felt had subsided when he took a 7 kilometer run in the cold. His only goal then was to complete the distance he set for himself before he started. His brain easily forgetting the negative part about what had happened only minutes ago. It was like the bad memories chipped away slowly as he took each step in the mid-shin high snow.

He picked up the tissues gingerly and tossed them in the trash bin under his study desk. Collapsing on his bed and staring up the ceiling, he closed his eyes, only to be haunted by her beautiful smile. 'What's wrong with me?' He thought, giving a deep heavy sigh. He ran his fingers through his dark green hair frustrated with the situation. Tossing and turning, messing up the sheets, he finally settled with lifting weights instead of falling asleep.

…

A thin layer of sweat coats his body as he steadies himself on both of his feet. The he spiked a second ago felt not up to par to his normal standard. It was a hard heavy spike, but it wasn't stable enough. He looked at his left palm, it was bright red from the hit. He growled slightly in frustration. He wasn't getting anything done. (Y/N) plagued his mind like a disease. He could only think about her. He sighed and calmed his nerves down. He could not let the dark emotion get the best of him once more.

Eita touched him on the shoulders lightly, asking if he was okay, only to receive a nonchalant 'mm…'. Ushijima clenched his jaws as he stared at the fallen ball at the other side of the court. The ecstasy he'd always feel when he practices his spikes were gone, replaced with a nagging feeling. It was not easy to place his finger on what his mind was pestering him to do, but he probably knew the gist of it.

Ushijima wanted to talk to (Y/N). He wanted to see that same smile on her face and inhale that heavenly aroma of hers. He got another ball and tossed it to Eita, who caught it with a surprised face. He stared unsure at Ushijima, doubting his captain should even be practicing with that sort of mentality at that moment. He sighed when Ushijima gave him a reassuring nod.

Eita Semi had no choice. He threw the ball into the air high, looking up, he raised both his arms and gave a simple toss to Ushijima. Ushijima's eyes followed the ball carefully. Calculating the point where he'd jump to the point where the ball would hit the brown polished floor of the Shiratorizawa's gym. He grunted when he took the jump. Feeling the muscles in his legs tighten and release as he soared up in the air, bringing his arms back and aiming his hit to the point where the ball would be when he brings his palm to, he vented all his anger on that one hit.

The harsh sound of palm hitting the ball echoed throughout the big gym. Head turned as they saw their captain and ace hit the ball so hard that it could almost deflate. The poor ball got spiked down onto the ground, bouncing off the floor so loudly it was like thunder on a stormy day. The first years could only gulp in slight admiration and fear, while the third years proud of what their friend could do. It was expected of Ushijima to carry out such a splendid spike hundred percent of the time. Another pound of weight just added on Ushijima's shoulders.

" _I'm going out for a break."_ Ushijima muttered and walked out of the gym, leaving everyone in awe. The whispers turned into loud chatter as he headed out. His breathing was stable, but his mind was not. It was suffocating. His lungs were covered in black treacle and messy yarn. His mouth was gagged shut by a piece of cloth. He sat at the bench at the side of the school. It faced a small garden where students rarely come to.

It was some sort of secret haven for Ushijima. Whenever he needs to think about something, he'd always come here. The fresh plants at the side of the pond where dead, their bark dried and dark brown. Fallen brown leaves littered the ground unattractively. The Sakura tree that loomed over the small garden was also gone. Not a single trace of the beautiful flower there any longer. It was rather depressing. The pond was also frozen over. There was nothing much to see in the winter. People would rather stay indoors with the heaters blasted on.

He had to solve the complicated rubix-cube in his heart. Was what he's feeling love for (Y/N)? Or was it a temporary stumble of emotions? Was he too stressed, that's why to vent out his frustration, he picked any girl without noticing? He looked at the empty space on the bench beside him. He wanted someone to fill in that space. He wanted it to be… (Y/N). He wanted her to sit beside him, with her girly innocence as she swings both her legs while seated on the bench. She'd scoot near to him and snuggle into the curve of his body.

" _You seem to love the cold_." A voice sounded from in front of Ushijima. He looked up to see the woman of his thoughts. She was wearing a thick red scarf, covering her neck. She tied and extra cardigan over her skirt. Her (Y/HC) was let down as usual, cascading down her back in smooth, soft locks. Her cold smile was on her face.

Was the radiant smile yesterday, perhaps just as illusion? Ushijima was confused. He could only give her a stiff nod. (Y/N) took it as a green light to seat beside him. She walked over, her shoes crunching on the dead leaves as she did. She took a seat on the wooden bench beside Ushijima. The smell on her was stronger than ever. She must have put more perfume than the last time she'd walked past him.

" _What are you doing here? You shouldn't be out here in your jersey with your sweat. You'll catch a cold."_ She reminded him. She took the hems of her scarf with her fingers and played with it. Her nails were painted in a glossy translucent pink color. Her thin fingers slender and callous free. A beautiful sapphire ring was on her ring finger. Ushijima couldn't help but boil on the inside when he saw that.

" _It's okay."_ He murmured, averting his eyes away from her fingers. He stared into the dark frozen pond. The color was so dirty that he could not even see through the fishes that swam there. He gulped, feeling the dark emotion gobbling up his stomach again. He shouldn't be feeling all these, a thought crossed his mind.

" _I… broke up with my boyfriend, Wakatoshi kun."_ She suddenly blurted out. Ushijima looked over. She looked like she did not mean to say that out to him. It was accidental… But why tell him? He stared at her as she looked wide eyed down at her sweaty palms. Her fingers intertwined with each other as she clasped and unclasped her palms together nervously. She swallowed down her fear countless of times, but it just wouldn't go away.

" _It's… alright."_ He whispered, his voice hoarse and husky. It was not alright. Seeing (Y/N) in such pain, he somehow felt relieved. The black emotion dissipated in his body as he stared at her ruddy red cheeks and swollen eyes that were not noticed earlier. The tips of her ears remained pale like the rest of her body. He felt horrible getting relief from the despair of another. It felt like a sin.

His arms reached out, his fingers trembling. He didn't know what to do, but followed his heart. His fingers touched the side of her head. Her hair was softer than he imagined. It felt like stroking cotton candy clouds. He stroked the side of her head comfortingly. She looked at Ushijima with the same doe like eyes. Her (Y/EC) pupils were bright and sparkly. It was as if she was an angel sent from heaven to Ushijima.

" _Why did he break up with you?"_

" _No, I ended it with him."_

" _Why?"_

Their conversation paused. The slight chatter of the separated school building could be heard from where they were. Other than that, there was no sounds, except for both of their breathing.

She got up, her arms around her back. She had on the icy smile, her face looked like she was in pain. The smile that would never reach her eyes. Her lovely dimple looked pretty, but it was just another accessory. "It's nothing. I'm sorry for troubling you with this." She said, adjusting the scarf on her neck to cover the bottom half of her face. She bowed slightly at Ushjima and turned away.

This was the only chance Ushijima could do anything. He doubts that after this conversation they held, that she'd ever speak to him again. The way her eyes seemed to scream, 'Save me', to Ushijima, and the slight uneven icy smile of hers. She felt like the death god took away all that's inside of her. Ushijima watched her for weeks. He knew that the scarf she donned wasn't just for warmth. She rarely wears scarves no matter how cold. She'd always wear her crème colored cardigan at most.

" _Wait."_ The words were as simple as that. She stopped in her tracks. She did not look back, her hands at her sides formed into fists. She was holding back something. Perhaps, her tears. Ushijima could sense something was wrong. The fact that she approached him to tell him these words, he knew something was up. If he were to let her walk away right then, he'd miss the chance forever.

" _Take off your scarf."_

" _No."_ She said it more forcefully than she intended.

" _I know you're hurting."_

" _You… don't. You're just a guy that knows nothing."_

" _How can you be so sure?"_

…

The bruises and scars littered her neck and décolletage like an ugly complicated painting on a pale canvas. Forceful love bites were placed on her neck and scratches from her ex-partner's nails scarred her skin. It was all dark red, purple and blue. It wasn't the prettiest sight. Ushijima could feel the anger boil in his veins. He couldn't help but click on his tongue loudly. Her scarf was on his lap, his hands holding onto the warm cloth.

She gave a forced smile to Ushijima. Tears were brimming at her eyes but she was forcing herself to not shed a single tear. She was known as the 'Goddess of Winter', it would be odd if she was seen crying. She bit down on her lip, feeling the pain digging into her meat. Blood rushed to the surface as she tore through skin.

" _This is me."_ She said, pushing her hair to her sides to cover her neck. Her lip was bleeding, staining the pale pink lips a bright red.

" _I don't care. I'll beat the crap out of your past lover. I'll make sure he doesn't hurt you again."_

" _Then… What about the present? The future?" She replied in a calm tone._

" _Present and future…?"_

" _Yes. I don't care about my past. I want to forget it. What was yesterday, was yesterday. What about today? Tomorrow?"_

" _I… I will…"_ He couldn't find the words. They were at the tip of his tongue, yet he couldn't bring himself to say those words. It was a simple sentence that even a kindergarten kid could say, but it was hard for him. Living a very sheltered life where he was separated from most boisterous kids, he had never done this sort of things before. Those words were foreign to him, like an alien language.

Her downcast eyes filled with tears hurt him thoroughly. There was a reason for that. Why would someone else's tears bring him pain too? It was because he loved her. He loved (Y/N) from the start when he began to notice her.

" _It's okay, Wakatoshi kun."_

It's not okay, Ushijima wanted to scream out, yell at her and unfurl the frustration he was feeling inside of him… But he could not.

" _I… I will stay by your side, in the future and now, (Y/N) chan."_

She looked up at Ushijima. Tears streamed down her cheeks like tiny droplets of crystals. Her nose was pink and stuffy as she sniffed. She used the back of her hands to wipe away the never-ending tears that were coming out from her eyes. It was weird for her too. When she first met her ex-lover, she never felt this way to the opposite end, but now… She could feel the warm fuzzy feeling that romance novels always label as, 'Love'.

Love can never fill a person's stomach or bring in income for survival, but love could fill one's soul up. There is always an empty space in each and everyone's heart, reserved for the most important. Ushijima could feel the sensation of love deep in his heart. It was beautiful. Spring, was normally the season for confessions and dating- where the new school year starts, however, this time love was found in the winter, for Ushijima Wakatoshi, the dear 18-year-old boy.


End file.
